Thursday, December 8, 2011

Partner emotionally withdraw from me- i need help!?

Hi,


My partner and I have purchased a block of land and the house is due for construction in 4 weeks. We have had a great relationship so far. But totally out of the blue my partner has totally emotionally withdrawn from me, he is not talking, not wanting me to touch him, no affection what-so-ever. He has never behaved like this before. I asked him several times whats wrong. He tells me he doesn't know what he is feeling and he is confused. He has been like this for 2 weeks now. I have noticed that he has lost all interest in the things he used to enjoy too...i.e. playing with the dog and watching movies. No matter what i do i can't snap he out of it.


The main problem is that we need to pay for our house which is 240k in a few weeks (home loan). I'm wondering if i should pull out and forfeit the 12k deposit and separate from him because he may have given up on our relationship. But i don't know because he wont tell me how he feels he just says he doesn't know why he is so unhappy. Please help....i'm worried sick about him and about our finances.|||Sit him down, and be very firm about what is going on. Tell him you deserve an explanation, and that he cannot just shut you out. He needs to communicate. Tell him that you feel that he has given up on your relationship. If he does not want to respond then you need to decide what to do next. It is not your fault that he just shut off like that, do what you need to do to make sure you will be ok.....even if it means letting things go. If it has only been 2 weeks, I wouldn't be too worried but if you see more time passing by then you need to make a decision fast.|||unfortunally I went through this a few years back. come to find out he was with some other woman and when he came home he was emotionally withdrawn. now we are divorced. and she moved in with him. I guess we can't ake them happy. do you sleep in same bedroom?





wish you well. I hope I helped some sorry for my bluntness but I had to tell ya.|||Are you a guy? or a girl?........|||If you are worried sick about your finances chances are he is to, sounds like he is taking the stress pretty badly, he may even be wondering if he wants to enter in to that much commitment. I went throught the same feelings (perhaps not to that extent) when building our house, it is a long term financial commitment.





You need to talk to him and sort this out before it goes to construction. Once it gets to construction you are pretty well much committed, as it is very difficult to sell a partially finished house, and you won't get back what you have paid for it to that point. However if you delay the construction date by more than a week or two, your builder can and probably will charge you extra. A lot of contracts have a 1% price increase clause for every month of delay.





As a side point you generally don't pay the full amount up front, you make progress payments, so much when the slab is poured, so much when they finish the frame, so much when the walls and roof are finished and so on, all adding up to $240k. If both names are on the house contract make sure both names are also attached to the loan, otherwise if he withdraws finance you are obliged to try an pay for the house. If you can not that makes the contract null and void, but the builder will still come after the people on the contract for the costs they have incurred to that point.|||I can't help you with your relationship issues unfortunately but I would like to offer some financial advice - 12k is a lot to forfeit should you pull out of this situation now. I would more inclined to go through with the home loan and protect your investment. If things go pear-shaped, you are still the owner of 50% of the property. If the 12k wasn't an issue, maybe my advice would be different but if you KNOW you're going to lose that much if you pull out, don't do it!





I would also suggest that you tell your partner that you are thinking about this - maybe it will snap him out of it and encourage him to be more honest with himself and with you.|||Well this one is a bit tough! I went through a depression not to long ago, and i pretty much went through the same thing...I was not physically cheating...but i had been speaking and flirting with someone on line, I am really ashamed of that! Because my husband is a wonderful guy...and did not deserve that...tell your hubby exactly what you have written here and see what he says...cause once you get a house with him...it is stuck in both your names even if u separate or divorce...so either get it figured out...or drop the loan and take the loss, you would not want to see your hubby living in that house with another female would you...i know that sounds harsh|||Is it possible that he just realizedd how much that 240 thousand dollar house is going to cost to have and keep. Is it possible that he may be totally flipping out in his mind to having a note that high every month. Is it possible that he is worried about the economy. Or is it possible that he is worried about trying to make the house "perfect" for you. Is it possible that the man is just totally scarred to death as to what he is about to get into... Could he be depressed?? Could he be concerned about you cheating on him..There is so many things that could be going through his mind that you will not know until you and he talk about it..I would not just go accusing him of cheating on you from the get go.. You didn't say how long you have been married but one question I have to ask is this----could there be anything other than a man having an affair on his spouse that will make him act different.. good luck...

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